Transwomen are women. Full stop. Period. End of discussion. If you don’t accept that, if you’re not completely floored by their ethereal beauty, if you wouldn’t drop to one knee and propose on the spot, then congratulations—you’re a bigot.

A walking, talking relic of the patriarchy.

That is… until my beautiful, radiant sisters Joyce White and Freedom Kanter declare they are transwomen. Suddenly the goalposts sprout legs and sprint for the hills. Suddenly “inclusion” has an asterisk the size of an eagle’s wingspan

Suddenly the same people who scream “trans rights are human rights” start clutching their pearls and muttering about “fairness” and “safety.”

They couldn’t be more wrong. Sure, initial Computer simulations—rigorous, peer-reviewed, trust the science—predict Joyce White averages a modest 183 points per game in the WNBA, but a follow up study adding the biological variable of Wig-induced estrogen knocks it down to a far more reasonable 172 points per game.

And yet the WNBA is objecting. Objecting! How dare they?

The league that never stops talking about how all trans people Belong™ is suddenly busy scheduling meeting after meeting to solve the ancient riddle: “What is a woman?” A question as straightforward as “is water wet” since the dawn of time has somehow become unanswerable for Supreme Court justices and a professional sports league that claims to value inclusion and love above all else.

One meeting wasn’t enough to answer this pressing question.

They need more meetings. Because defining biological reality is apparently harder than rocket science when the cloud of woke descends.

To me, it only matters, of course, because those bigots at the WNBA are questioning my trans sisters. That is unlike, my fellow progressives in California, dare call them heroes of true justice, who took Tremaine “Tremayne” Deon Carroll—convicted of armed robbery and the sexual assault of a violent nature on two women.

What did my girl do? Suddenly, SHE realized that SHE was, in fact, a woman, so California housed HER in a women’s prison. SHE then raped an inmate. But that’s a woman on woman crime, don’t ascribe that to the rest of us men.

And to the shrieking MAGA bigoted voices calling this “inhumane” for the female prisoners: remember what’s truly inhumane is denying the identity of a trans individual.

California, under Gavin Newsom’s leadership, didn’t commit that sin. Good on them. They recognize the truth, Trans rights are human rights, and they supercede the minor concerns of a few fearful women objecting to sexually assault. They’re bigots too!

So I implore the WNBA, be like Newsom and the lovely progressives of California: open the doors. Accept my glamorous, high-scoring trans sisters Enes and Joyce on their own feminine merits. Let them thrive. And if they start casually dropping 170 points a night, well… the only defense a female has left in that situation is to kick those women in the nuts.