So the LA City Council, in their infinite wisdom and 10-5 generosity, just voted to let non-citizens — sorry, “long-term residents who totally pay taxes, we swear” — vote in local elections. Because nothing says “democracy” like importing a brand-new electorate that are here illegally, but protected by “sanctuary laws,” prevent their deportation via violence and calling those who wish to do so “Nazis” and a “threat to democracy” and then handing them ballots, maybe multiple ballots to fill out exactly as their “protectors” desire. It’s not voter expansion, folks. It’s voter invention. And you just know this charter amendment is going to pass in November because, well, they’ve already perfected the technology.

Picture it: Election Night ends. Some poor sap thinks the results are final. Then, like clockwork, the magical Ballot Fairy appears — probably wearing a DSA hoodie — and suddenly thousands of “hand-dated” envelopes start floating in like they were mailed by carrier pigeon from 2020. “Oh, this one? Yeah, the fentanyl enthusiast hand-dated it November 2nd while he was philosophizing about housing policy between nod-offs. Very informed voter. Super legitimate. And okay, maybe it was dated on November 5th according to the undercover video, but he dated it Nov 2nd, and every vote matters!” 


These are the same geniuses who raised your sales tax using the exact same harvesting machine. They eliminated Spencer Pratt by treating ballots like Pokémon cards: gotta catch ‘em all, fill ‘em out later, and drop ‘em when they know exactly how many they still need. Postmark? Optional. Signature? A enthusiastic squiggle that looks like a seismograph during an earthquake, lovingly “verified” by a fellow DSA member. And if it doesn’t match? Don’t worry — there’s a curing period longer than a CVS receipt. They’ll fix it for you. Trust the process, bigot.

California’s election system isn’t “trust but verify.” It’s “trust completely dishonest people and then make verification illegal.” Hand-date your ballot days later? Legal. Collect armfuls of ballots from people who think local council races are decided by vibes and free Narcan? Legal. Know the final margin at 2 a.m. and then “find” exactly the right number of votes? Also legal, apparently. Audits? Baby, we don’t do that here, that’s for the MAGA bigots in Florida. That would be mean. How dare you doubt us!

And once the new voters are officially on the rolls? Oh, the bribes — excuse me, “services” — will flow like cheap avocado toast. Your tax dollars, funneled straight into Medi-Cal, housing, sanctuary everything, and whatever else keeps the gratitude vote locked in forever. Why naturalize and become a real citizen when you can stay a grateful dependent forever? Skin in the game? Citizenship? Nah. That’s so 1787. These days you just need a pulse, a sob story, and the ability to check a box.

This is how the DSA crowd does it: slowly erode every safeguard every sane country on Earth has — citizenship requirement, ID, same-day counting, purged rolls — all while calling you a fascist for noticing. They want maximum ignorance + maximum dependency = permanent one-party rule. Puerto Rico as a state? Supreme Court packing? DC statehood? They’re not hiding the plan. They’re just waiting for enough harvested ballots to make it mathematically impossible to vote them out.

You think this stays in LA? Adorable. This is the beta test. Once it works here, it’s coming to every blue city, then every blue state, then they’ll nationalize the whole grift. Because power-hungry isn’t a bug for these people — it’s the entire operating system. They don’t want to govern citizens. They want to manage clients.

So congratulations, Los Angeles. You’ve gone from Hollywood dreams to Soviet bureaucracy with worse traffic. Enjoy your new permanent ruling class — brought to you by hand-dated ballots, empathy theater, and the unbreakable trust of completely trustworthy people.

God help us all. And somebody please audit something before the next “miracle” mail drop. But don’t worry, the most noble man in the world, who has presided over all the California fraud, will allow it to happen, just as soon as pigs fly.