The results are in, in a foolproof scientific poll conducted entirely in my mind, and remember, trust the science, the voting make-up of this group is 100% Democratic Socialists of America, and 1% Republican, with a margin of error of 1% either way.

Which is another way of saying: the story I’m about to tell does not come from a random sample of Americans.

This is a closed ecosystem. A self-selected petri dish.

The venue itself was founded as a lesbian communist bar, and I apologize for the redundancy there.

Because of their beliefs of equity, paying the cover was optional.

“Optional payment is always optional right up until the landlord, the wholesaler, and the electric company send their regards. Almost nobody paid.

Two of the original owners left. One of them, in a rare moment of contact with Earth, enrolled in clown college. At least clown college still requires you to fall down on purpose.

To her credit, that will be the sanest action you’ll hear in this entire story.

The last owner of the Communist Lesbian Bar, that’s a pitch deck I’d like to see, is living in her car. Fifty thousand dollars in debt on the business loan. Cannot pay herself. Cannot pay her employees.

The revolutionary business model produced a Honda Civic bedroom and a staff that is not getting paid.

Then she announced the unthinkable: masks optional. For one night. One. In a town that has not had a single COVID case in months. Not one, because the virus apparently left for greener pastures, it’s 2026 after all.

The replies arrived like a hurricane.

“PEOPLE LIKE YOU KILL DISABLED PEOPLE.”

“YOU’RE COMPLICIT IN A MASS DISABLING EVENT.”

“I HOPE YOUR VENUE GETS FIREBOMBED.”

These are the same people who used to walk in and not pay. Now they are moral philosophers with a torch.

They also attacked her for sometimes forgetting alt text on social media, which they called ableist and dangerous, because in this country a missing caption is a war crime and an unpaid tab is praxis.

So, in amendment of despair, she tried to outsource the solution to a mediator she brought in.

A therapist.

A professional whose job is to keep adults from biting each other. The meeting derailed in the first ten minutes because the mediator was White.

They decided she was a mandatory reporter who might have them force-hospitalized. They said her presence made them “wildly unsafe.” When the owner mentioned that she was sleeping in her car and drowning in debt, they accused her of spilling White Tears for sympathy, which they found “incredibly racist.”

These are people who are already living Elon Musk’s dream of living on a different planet.

They have created their own society. Fine. Let them. Give them the storefront, the folding chairs, the optional cover, the mandatory mask in a town with no virus, the four-hour purity tribunal, the firebomb fanfic, and the sacred duty to police Instagram captions. Give them the enclave. Let them run the experiment forever.

Just do not let them vote in the world where the sky is still blue, rent is still due, and a bank does not accept “you’re complicit in a mass disabling event” as legal tender.

These are cretins who need to plug into the matrix. They need a headset, a loading screen, and a terms of service that says physics is optional and cash is violence.

Their ideology works, in a simulation without physics. In a video game where flight is merely the push of a button..

In this one it produces a woman living in a car and a room full of people who think a White therapist is more dangerous than not wearing masks in a Covidless world.

When ideology meets gravity, gravity does not issue a land acknowledgment. Their pretend world never survives contact with reality. That is why they keep trying to annex the rest of us.

The experiment fails the second it touches air, money, or a calendar, so they demand the calendar change.Clown college was the emergency exit. Everyone still inside is performing for an audience that only exists on the server.

Give them their little country. Let them live their lives plugged into the matrix, where they can fly as close to the sun as they want.

But as long as they live in our country their vote will continue to cancel out yours. I never said this story had a happy ending. Our country, their vote.