Oh, California—where equality means “equal, but some animals are gayer than others.”

Picture this: You’re a straight business owner grinding away, bidding on a utility contract for, say, fixing power lines or supplying toilet paper to the California PUC headquarters. You’ve got the best price, the fastest crew, and zero taxpayer bailouts in your history. But wait! The state has a 1.5% goal to funnel public utility dollars to LGBT-owned firms. Sorry, Chad—your bid just got rainbow-washed into second place because the winner’s owner once marched in a parade and submitted an affidavit swearing they’re fabulous. Equality achieved!

It’s not discrimination, folks. It’s “supplier diversity.” Because nothing says “fair marketplace” like the government checking your bedroom preferences before awarding contracts paid by everyone’s electric bills. Straight? Sorry, your orientation is tragically… mainstream. Better luck next procurement cycle, or maybe start identifying as “oppressed by heteronormativity” and get a letter from the local glitter collective.

This is what one-party rule looks like when the Communists—sorry, “progressives”—take the wheel and drive the state straight into the Pacific. In Sacramento’s rainbow utopia, “equality” doesn’t mean treating people the same under the law. Nah, that dusty old idea went out the window with Prop 209’s spirit. Now it’s equality of outcome by identity checkbox. Your tax dollars (and they keep jacking those up—more regulations, more fees, more “climate” surcharges) get rerouted to ideological allies and reliable voter blocs. Got a business? Better wave the right flag, or you’re chopped liver in the procurement rainbow stew.

Meanwhile, California’s a glittering failed state: highest gas prices, rolling blackouts from “green” genius, streets full of tents and needles, businesses fleeing like rats from a sinking cruise ship,..and Californians have stopped heeding ‘Go West, young man’ — instead they’re renting one-way U-Hauls at 10x the normal rate just to get the hell East. East anywhere. Anywhere but here.”

But hey, at least the utility contracts are diverse! Who needs functional infrastructure when you’ve got procurement goals that make Soviet central planning look merit-based?

This isn’t governance—it’s patronage with pronouns. One-party fiefdom where the ruling caste funnels your money to their friends under the holy banner of Inclusion™. Straight, gay, bi, whatever—how about we try “competence-owned businesses” for a change? Or is that too triggering for the regime?

California: Come for the weather, stay for the discrimination… and the $80 billion deficit, where violent criminals earn given more lax punishments than truants who forgot to move their vehicles on street cleaning days. Land of fruits, nuts, and mandatory rainbow set-asides. What a paradise.