video: Governor Maura Healey’s Press Conference – The Great Gerrymander Gaffe

the Texas plan to redistrict is a “partisan, craven, political power grab” and led by illegitimate President Donald Trump and Governor Greg Abbott, and leave Democratic states like Massachusetts with “no choice” but to respond with their own redistricting measures of our own. Let me make this clear Donald Trump, Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, have left us no choice. That’s the reality, I’ll take some questions.

Reporter 1 Colin Kennedy: Boston Governor Healey, you said you’d “gerrymander even more” if Texas redraws their maps for more Republican seats. Hey governor, that’s a wicked pissa idea.

Healy: Thank you Colin.

Reporter: Except our state already has zero Republican congressional seats. How, mathematically, do you plan to make that number… lower than zero?

Healey: (chuckles, adjusts glasses) Great question. Look, when I said we’d redistrict, I meant we’d get creative. We’re exploring bold, new innovative strategies to, uh, enhance our Democratic representation. If we draw the map, in a super dark blue color, that will count for two congressional votes because they’ll know we’re serious.

William Bradbury Worcester Express: Dark blue is more votes? Why not go black.

Healey: (grinning, leaning into the podium) That would be racist of course. What are you a racist, Will?

Reporter 3 (Boston Herald, barely containing laughter): Governor, your own Secretary of State called the 2021 redistricting “fair and balanced.” Are you saying you’d undo that to… what, make negative Republican seats? How does that even work?

Healey: Look, Mike, negative Red seats are the future. Picture this: we draw a district so powerfully Democratic that it cancels out a Republican seat in, say, Oklahoma. We’re calling it the “Blue Hole Theory.” Sucks the GOP right out of Congress! (gestures dramatically) Poof! Gone!

Reporter 4: Governor, You’ve been at the Packie again? Doing some road soda before you got here?
Healy: Ya mother’s legs were still shaking when I left the house this morning? Give her my regards. Next question. 
Reporter: You act like you’re the hot ticket here, but your ideas belong in the barrel. How you going to gerrymander when you’ve already got 100% Democratic seats?

Healey: This is about sending a message to Texas. They want to play dirty with their maps? We’ll play… (pauses for effect) interdimensionally dirty. We’re workshopping a plan to import half the remaining Somali population, put them all in that shithole Wustcher, turning it into little Mogadishu would be an improvement, and when Trump redoes the census, BAM- that’s 20 more Blue seats rain down on Trump like a Nor’Easter. Hey, they fight back, we fight dirtier. We’re Democrats, and we’ve never lost a race into the bowels of hell, and today won’t be the first.

I used the carriage last night to pick up Plan B for your Mother.
How squeeze more blue out of 100%?

Down the cape

Supper

The Pike

The cruiser

worcester

It’s too bad your father didn’t use a Jimmy.

Ya mother

Tool