Estibaliz Kortazar, a paragon of far-left activism, decided to live her values by inviting a North African migrant into her home. It was the ultimate “good comrade” move—until the guest decided to upgrade his status from “houseguest” to “hostile occupant.” After a delightful residency involving harassment, physical assault, and a locks-changed eviction of the homeowner herself, Estibaliz found out that the Spanish legal system has all the urgency of a siesta on Xanax. Now, she’s couch-surfing with relatives, seeing a psychologist for the inevitable “reality-colliding-with-dogma” breakdown, and clutching a petition to speed run the process of getting her property back from the migrant who upgraded his status now to “homeowner,” talk about living the dream, and doing it so well he managed to outsource the mortgage payments to his victim. 

The Equation of Eternal Error

Let’s talk about the math here, because while most of us calculate our actions using pesky variables like “Reality” and “Probability,” the modern leftist operates on a specialized, zero-gravity arithmetic.

In the standard human brain, the coefficient for “Inviting a total stranger into your sanctuary” especially one who is unlikely to share your common set of Judaeo Christian values, is usually high enough to trigger an immediate “Hard Pass.” But in Estibaliz’s head—and the heads of her cohort—Reality and Probability have co-efficients of zerom, but Ideology has a 10,000x multiplier. Toss in the dopamine hit of external praise from the echo chamber, and you’ve got a formula of suicidal empathy.

These people live in a nanny-state biodome where they believe gravity is just a social construct. They think they can jump off a cliff because the government promised to weave a safety net woven from ‘Coexist’ bumper stickers and progressive tears. Well, surprise! It turns out the law in Spain treats a squatter like a protected species and the property owner like an “oppressor” who clearly had too many square meters to begin with.

Crocodiles and “Common Sense”

I’ll be honest: I’m running low on empathy for people who swan-dive into a pit of crocodiles after being told, repeatedly, that crocodiles are apex predators. You can’t look at a snapping jaw and say, “No, he’s just misunderstood and needs a hug and my spare bedroom.” The crocodile isn’t evil; it’s a crocodile. The person who invited it to dinner and then acted shocked when they became the dessert? I bestow thee with a Darwin Award, not a GoFundMe.

The real kicker is that these authoritarian, suicidally empathetic lunatics aren’t content to just ruin their own lives—they want to mandate that we join their suicide cult. They demand we live according to their “equations.”

If you say, “A grown man claiming he’s woman, but happens to have a 9 inch erection must not share a locker room with my thirteen-year-old daughter,”you’re a bigot.

If you point out that biology isn’t a suggestion, you’re “harmful.”

In some places, you’re a legal stone’s throw away from jail for the felony of having functioning eyeballs.

The Great Opt-Out

I refuse to live by the rules of people whose math leads them to sleeping on a relative’s couch because they gave their house away to a predator. You want to live in a zero-gravity environment? Fine. Floating away into the abyss is your prerogative. But don’t try to strap your lead weights to my ankles.

When faced with this level of institutionalized derangement, I’ve realized there are only two logical variables left in my own equation:

Spend my life playing Whack-A-Mole with your infinite supply of stupidity.

Exit the jurisdiction, let you host your “Crocodile Sleepover,” and watch the inevitable feeding frenzy barely tethered sanity float away like a child’s helium balloon from the safety of a non-extradition zone.

Option two is looking statistically superior. I won’t bail you out, I won’t sign your petition, and I certainly won’t be surprised when your “comrade” changes your locks. 
 I’ll just be over here, in a world where gravity still works, refusing your demands to pay contribute my fair share of your psychologists bill. You earned every penny of it.