Hi, I’m Ernest Bigot, your local Democrat strategist. This is not a eulogy. This is an invoice. 
The last ten years I’ve averaged a cool half million a year. It spiked in 2020 with George Floyd become a content vertical and the media became our sales floor. Are you jealous?

Honestly, no reason to be anymore.’Cause my income is drying up like a pool of water in the Sahara Desert.

And then this beacon of hope came on the horizon: Nolan Wells, a dead 18-year-old. Mississippi.

Black kid. White friends. Holiday weekend. Perfect packaging.

Grand jury. My man Ben Crump on the scene. I was already mentally itemizing the GoFundMe, the booker emails, the speaking fees I’d be receiving. 
And then the grand jury comes back with nothing. NOTHING. There were Black people on that jury. Traitors to party and business model.

“Not a murder?”
 How do you explain a drunk man with bumps on the back of his head? It’s not possible if there wasn’t foul play. There is zero other explanation! 

It’s a very sad day for the Blue team and industry. We don’t need justice. We need a wolf. 
Where are the wolves? Y’all disappeared. Just when I thought they came back to Mississippi, no more than an apparitions. Ghost in the Mississippi night. Hope in our minds, dashed. 

You could hear the collective inhale: please let this be the one. Please let the state produce a rope, a confession, a sheriff with a drawl and a secret. Please let the chyron write itself. 
You know how bad things have gotten. We on the left have an infinite demand for racism and victims of it. For me, it’s the Benjamins. For them, it’s the halo. Same product. Different packaging.


But our tank is running dry. I mean, we promoted all the hangings of black people in the South. Then, one by one, all but one was deemed a suicide. But surely the one that was murder is fodder for the nation. A new Georgia Floyd. We don’t need a tragedy. We need a franchise.

Then the suspects arrived … off-brand. 



Our hopes were high, and we got let down again.

Infinite demand. Finite violent racists. That’s not a movement. That’s a supply-chain crisis. 



But we are innovative people. We can create our own market. From Juicy Smollyay, who bravely fought off MAGA hat wearers in the most liberal zip code of the nation at 2:30 in the morning while holding onto his Subway sandwich in a polar vortex, to the Bubba Wallace rope pull that we tried to frame as a hanging noose, except it had been installed a year before he got there, to all the campus hoaxes that were the creation of some woke or minority who just wanted more drama. 



The public is catching on, and it doesn’t help that the SPLC got caught funneling money to help pay for the Charlottesville Unite the Right Rally so they could raise off the specter of racism. Brilliant marketing, and I am proud of them for their ingenuity and effort. 

But it seems like all the wolves have been dispersed, and it’s becoming increasingly harder to scare the sheep. Every time we scream wolf, fewer sheep line up for the shearing.
 We feel we just can’t catch a break. 

So how about you racist wolves? Make an appearance already. Scare some people. Have a cross burning on some prominent black figure’s lawn. 



I ain’t supposed to say it, but we would love it if you lynched someone. We need real goddamn wolves to eradicate. Please don’t tell me that wolves are extinct from Mississippi. That used to be the bastion of the white identity. Of racism. 
Show yourselves, you cowards! We thought for sure we saw your tracks in bayou with Nolan Wells, and then the grand jury says no wolves here! 



So you can understand why morale is low over here. Why we feel we just can’t catch a break.If I am to speak candidly, maybe my formula will eventually work out.

Maybe if we shove the pendulum hard enough, we can manufacture the backlash we miss, and the revenue that comes with it.

That would make the Blue Team and Ernest Bigot ecstatic. So now, we taught black people to hate you. They do. Now for God’s sake, reawaken the wolf. 
We’re tired of being told we cry wolf. Fine. Send one.

The fundraising copy is already written.